“In the Heart of the World”

Sometimes Brian Andreas’ writing is a little too twee for me, but I think he nailed it with this quote:

In those days we finally chose
To walk like giants and hold the world
In arms grown strong with love,
And there may be many things we forget
In the days to come,
But this will not be one of them.

Oh, Charles. Thank you so much for this one.

The Laughing Heart

by Charles Bukowski

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

Life Lessons

Yesterday was hard.*

Hard because once again I feel like I’m spinning my wheels. Because what’s the point of this? How am I affecting change? How does what I do matter?

After venting to my mom and spending an hour talking to and petting my dogs, though, I felt a little better. A couple things stood out for me, though — a couple lessons learned:

• I was surprised by how hard it was for me to let go of an injustice.
• I was surprised by how much it hurt to feel dismissed.
• I was surprised by how sad it made me to feel under-appreciated.

I came away with this thought: I should always let people know that they matter, that their efforts are appreciated. Kindness is paramount. The alternative is awful.

Finally, I turned to this, a favorite quote from Ayn Rand:

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. 

Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.

The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.     

Thank dog for those words.

*First-world hard. Not really hard. Not hard like it is for those starving people in Somalia; not hard like it is for people facing real grief, sadness, pain, or fear.  Just first-world hard for an overly-coddled, self-centered, suburban over-thinker.

In five years I’ve learned…

That memorable moments sneak in at unexpected times

That anyone who loves Arnie this much is worth holding onto

 

That it’s easy when it’s easy

That it’s worth it when it’s hard

That our love is different today than it was five years ago

That it’s supposed to be that way

That Brad will continue to surprise me with his wit, intellect, and sensitivity every day, as long as we both shall live

*Kolin Powick Photo

Leaning in to the pain

Some heartbreaking news out of our community. An inspirational hardman we know is dealing with very invasive cancer that has proven resistant to even the fiercest Western medicine. His wife, lovely and sweet and so brave, is at his side. They are accepting what’s to come together.

We hear these stories every day — cancer is so prevalant. This particular case hits hard, though — a strong, healthy man brought to his knees…it’s too scary.

I’ve cried about this, wept for the two of them, my whole heart just aching.  There’s so much that doesn’t seem fair about it, about anyone so good and kind and strong facing such illness.

My first tendency is to curl inward, hold what matters close and not let go.

I know, though, that the only thing to do is to lean into the pain and keep moving forward. There’s too much uncertainty in this world to pause and feel sorry for one’s self.

The only thing to do is the work.  The only way I know to feel content is to be proud, at the end of every single day, of the energy I shared with the world.

I’m not burying the sadness, I’m using it to keep me motivated. It reminds me to always be kind, to always love, to always help, to always go to bed proud of the work you’ve done.

Day 16-20: So thankful

The Ragnar Relay was exhilarating, exhausting, and enlightening.

Our cold, wet spring made for a beautiful setting; the back of the Wasatch was verdant and abundant with flora;  it was as green as Pennsylvania and just as lush.

 

 

Moves

50 push ups

100 sit ups

25 pull ups

Morning doggie stroll

60-minute Reformer Plus pilates class

Foods

Breakfast: Oats with almond milk, blueberries & brown sugar; 1/2 banana

Lunch: Sammie w/ Brad’s homemade bread (Yum!), turkey, mozzarella, red peppers, cukes, spinach, and mayo; 3 squares dark chocolate; Chobani yogurt

Snack: Carrots

Dinner: 1/2 carne asada burrito at Lonestar, the greatest taco shack north of Tijuana

True Dat